No! I'm the real one
by Kuro-Himitsu
Summary: Complete and Hilarious Click the title, I dare you because once you read this horrific, disturbing fanfic, you'll get nightmare for weeks... ARGHHHH! ITS GOJYO IN A TUTU!
1. Movie Movie!

Himitsu-Chan: NO! I WON'T!

Sanzo: SAY IT!

Himitsu-Chan: NO! I DON'T WANNA!

Sanzo: SAY IT OR ELSE! Holds paper fan

Himitsu-Chan: aright, aright. I don't own Saiyuki in any existence of my life(and I never will TT) THERE!

On with the story…..

Goku, Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo are going to the movies

Gojyo: (looks at his script) HEY! STUPID AUTHORESS WENCH! THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY SCRIPT. I ONLY GOT ONE GODDAMN LINE!

Himitsu: Yea, and you just said it

Gojyo: WTF!

Goku: (jumpin up and down) Sanzo, Sanzo, what are me gonna see?

Sanzo: Shut up Bakazaro!

Hakkai: True Sanzo. What ARE we going to see today?

Sanzo: Shutup, Im too busy beating the crud outta that bakazaro its true- Sanzo Is slapping the shit outta Goku with that paper fan of his

Himitsu-Chan: PAPER FAN! WHERE WHERE! I LUV THAT PAPER FAN! Please Sanzo. Can I have it. PULLEEZZEEEEE!

Sanzo: Beat it

Himitsu: -- Grumpmeister………

Sanzo: Oh I'll give u grumpmeister alright…….

Himitsu: Gulp. Yo….wait……lets talk this over….

Sanzo: (starts beating up Himitsu with Fan)

Back to story

Sanzo: hm….i checked our tickets, we're gonna see "Journey to the West"

Goku: Hey! I heard of that. Isn't it supposed to be an old movie? I heard there was a really stupid annoying monkey demon in that movie. AHAHAHAHA! Good thing I'm not based on anything like him……I'm like O.O

Hakkai: Well on to the theatres then, shall we. (sweatdrops when he sees Sanzo beating up Goku saying, "Stop making a fool out of us at everyminute, Bakazaro!)


	2. The perilous Journey!

Chapter 2

Gojyo: Bwahahahahaha! Himitsu is a stupid wench!( starts

Gojyo: Hey wait! I was only kidding! painting mustashes on Himitsu's Pictures)

Himitsu: (pop outta nowhere)! I don't tink so. Don't forget, im an authoress.

Gojyo: What huh! What'cha gonna do to stop me! Dress me in a frik'in tutu!

Himitsu: (Grins)

Gojyo: Hey wait…..i was only kidding…..

Himitsu: (snaps fingers and Gojyo has a pink tutu on him)

Hmmmmmmmm…..theres something missing…. OF COURSE! (snaps fingers again and Gojyo is holding a little wand with a glittered star on top. Did I mention he's wearing a little Barbie crown that says, "I need a Hug"

Gojyo: No! I LOOK LIKE BLOSSOM FROM THE POWERPUFF GIRLS! –shrieks like a girl-

Himitsu: I punish u and say that u must wear this outfit for the whole entire second chapter. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gojyo: (tries to pull it off but gets electrocuted by lightning that magically appeared from no where) God damn u….

Himitsu: Mwahahahaha. The orders of the authoress WILL be obeyed!

On with the reguolar story……….

Goku: 0.0 …Gojyo……wat are u wearing?

Gojyo: -mutters- Damn wench of an authoressShutup damn monkey.

Goku: Sanzo! IM HUNGRY! Can't we go the the movie theatre now!

Sanzo: Shutup! Fine lets go.

Hakkai: Excellent! Hakuryuu!

Hakuryuu: (turns into jeep) Kyuuuuu!

Hakkai: (Looks at map) hmmmmmm…it seems to get to the theater that we must go over a 1000 feet deep canyon that is 50 miles wide. After that we must jump over a 500 ton ancient stone that will electrocute anyone who touches it.

Everone except for Hakkai: - stares wide eyed lookin very very scared…..-

Hakkai: (grins) sounds like fun! (cuts car into gear and presses the pedal to the extent)

Everyine except Hakkai: Hoooooooolllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Goku: Hey look! I see the canyon (sweats when he sees how deep and wide it is) I changed my mind, lets go home.

Sanzo: (beats up Goku with paper fan) Shut your mouth Bakazaro!

Gojyo: O shut up! At least u people get to die lookin kool! Look at me! I'm wearing a goddamn tutu for my death scene!

Hakkai: This looks fun! Lets try to get over it. (turns car into nitro mode) Here we goooooooooooo

(The jeep goes over the canyon…..its halfway there!...a third!...THEY'RE GONNA MAKE IT!...or not. Awwwww, looks like Hakuryuu missed by a few inches and they're falling!)

Goku and Gojyo: (tears in their eyes) WHY US!

( They splashed into the river below)

Hakkai: (sweatdrop) Oh well, looks like I miscalculated by a few inches

Somehow, the gang miraculously got through the canyon and now they drove up to the big ancient rock.

Himitsu: STONE! ITS STONE, NOT ROCK! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL U! STONE SOUNDS WAY MORE OFFICIAL! WHO THE HELL IS NARRATING THIS FIC ANYWAY!

Narrator: I am

Now back to the story

Goku: Wow! Its so big. Can't we just climb it?

Gojyo: Hell no! it'll electrocute us! Anyway, I don't wanna get my pink tutu dirty!

Everyone: (stares and thinks to themselves, wow, he likes the tutu…)

Hakkai: Hmm. Sanzo, are u thinking wat I am thinking.

Sanzo: If you're thinking sledding, I'm with you.

Goku and Gojyo: What the hell are you talking about.

( Hakkai smiles and grabs Gojyo's shoulder. Sanzo grabbed Goku's)

Sanzo: As they say,Thick skulled dim wits can't feel any pain….well, barely.

( Sanzo and Hakkai flip the person their holding and slams them on the rock, ahem, I mean stone. Then they sit on him, Chrstmas Sledding Style!

Hakkai says, " This is very enjoyable" as they slide over the stone

Goku and Gojyo: Damn BZZZZZ BZZZZZ u BZZZ BZZZZ. ( BZZZZ means the electricity) OWWWWWW BZZZZZZ WWWWWWW

After a Painful half hour for a certain two people –snicker- They gang finally arrives at the movie theater

Gojyo: NO! My Pink tutu is ruined!


	3. Buy a snack, sell a slave

Disclaimer:

Himitsu: I d-d-d-on't ow-w-n Saiyuki (Bursts out crying) BUT I WANT TO! WAHHHHHHHHH!

Sanzo: Oh shutup

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Gojyo: (smirks) Stupid authoress, chapter two ended so guess what you have to do?

Himitsu: Bleh! Fine fine! Stupid partypooper (snaps fingers and Gojyo's tutu is gone)

Gojyo: (looks down) Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Himitsu: Holy F'n Shit! (puts on sunglasses)

Gojyo: STUPID WENCH! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY CLOTHES!

Himitsu: …………………………………(ding dong!) (you'll get to learn that whenever Himitsu has a ding dong or fox ears, it usually means she has an evil plan)

Gojyo: Wahhhhhh! I'm callin my art designer!

Himitsu: BWAHAHAHAHA! Too bad, its Sunday so he's off.

Gojyo: WTF! Since when the hell was it Sunday?

Himitsu: Since I said so (snaps fingers) (The day miraculously changes from Thursday do Sunday)

Himitsu: Oh well (fox ears) We can' have you running around like a stripper since this is only rated teens and the art designer is off so that leaves us with only one choice

Gojyo: You wouldn't!

Himitsu: Oh but I would! (snaps fingers and Gojyo's –ahem- "princess tutu" outfit is back)

Now back to the story!

Goku: Eh! I thought we passed chapter 3!

Hakkai: We did

Goku: (points at Gojyo) Then why does Gojyo still have his tutu on?

Gojyo: (says nothing, just rocks in the corner mutterin bloody murder to himself)

5 finutes laters

Goku: Sanzo! Sanzo! Can we buy popcorn! Im Hungry!

Gojyo: Yea almighty monk, get us some corn that is popped.

Sanzo: You wanna dies (sticks banishing gun on Gojyo's forehead

Gojyo: Ehehehehehehe….no sire. I was merely concerned about your welfare. ( kisses Sanzo's feet)

Sanzo: Hn, Fine (goes up to line)

Cashier: Hello! What would you like?

Sanzo: Yes I would li- (gets pushed away by Goku)

Goku: Five large orders of popcorn pus two hotdogs, eight chocolate bars and 2 extra large cokes!

Cashier: (thinking) 'is this person for real?'

Sanzo: (Thinking) Korosu…..

Hakkai: Oh dear, (check wallet full of holes and cobwebs) it seems as if we are out of money

Sanzo: Hey old lady!

Cashier: What! (thinking) Old lady?

Sanzo: Do you take slaves?

Cashier: ……. O.O (thinking) WTF

Hakkai: Lovely! I think this one would be sufficient enough to pay for the cost (Takes out a large mallet and knocks Gojyo out and stuffs him into a sack)

Sanzo: Here's a personal slave for the trouble we made (Takes out his paper fan and knocks out Goku and kicks the uncounscious body into the sack)(hands the sack over to the wide eyed lady O.O)

Sanzo: (drinks the coke) hmmmm…..the bakazaru knows how to order……..

Hakkai: Come! The movie is about to start

Sanzo: yea yea

All of a sudden, we hear a person yell, HELP! And the alarms start ringing. All of a sudden there is the Fruits Basket Background suspense theme.

Himitsu: Ya know, the music background for Fruits basket. The one that is creepy and goes like " Ba bum ba bummmmmm…..bum (snapped fingers)…. bum (snapped fingers)….

Back to the story

All of a sudden we see two figures in ski masks all dressed in black zoom across the theater past a girl holding her mommy's hand

Little Girl: Mommy! Why is that man dressed in a black tutu in laced stockings?

Mommy: Ah! My eyes!

Past a couple of dudes

Dude #1: (Whistle) Hey cutie! Wanna Go home with me? (K.H: O.O)

Dude #2: We'll have you up alllll night!

The mysterious tutu bearer walked up to them and elbowed the first dude and kicked the second in the……-ahem-……reproduction spot

Tutu person: (high pitched voice) I hope I just erased your name from the gene's pool!

The two figures run up to Sanzo and Hakkai

Sanzo: (checks watch) You're late, the movies gonna start in five minutes

Gojyo: Shutup! I've been through hell!

Hakkai: hmmmmm seems like you've just prevented two people from being grandparents…..tsk tsk that's two less than last time.

End of Chapter

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Himitsu: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Im an evil authoress! I know how much all of you want to see the chapter of the mivie, but I left u on a cliffie!Bwahahahhahahahahahaha! –dodges flying tomatoes- Curse you!


	4. Three are revealed, one left

Disclaimer:

Himitsu: Why da hell do I have to put a disclaimer for everysingle chapter of this story. I HAVE A LIFE YA KNOW! (sob sob)

Sanzo: (glare)

Himitsu: (shiver) yes master, i do not own Saiyuki...but i can have the fan, rite?

Sanzo: (beats the crap out of my with the fan )

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Narrator: (in a hushed voice) Behold, as the lights begin to dim and the Saiyuki characters will face their long lost destiny... (lights completely shut off)

Gojyo: HEY, I CAN'T SEE, TURN THE FREAKIN LIGHTS ON!

Narrator: SHUTUP! DON'T RUIN MY MOMENT

Back to the story...

Goku: THE MOVIES GONNA START, ITS GONNA START

Movie: 5... 4... 3... 2... - WE BRING U THIS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT THAT THE MOVIE WILL NOT PLAY TODAY!

( All the people who r reading this fanfics begin sharpening their knives and lookiing up Himitsu's address)

Himitsu: EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! JUST KIDDING! DON'T HURT ME (dodjes the knives sizzling past her and runs for her life) IM SORRY, I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW U WOULD REACT! THE MOVIES GONNA PLAY! DONT HURT ME!

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The Saiyuki gang is quiet as the movie starts. All of a sudden, we see a Monkey man with a hairy face appear oin the screen.

Goku: ahahahaha, his must be the guy Gojyo's based on!

The Monkey: (speaking to a mysterious priest with no hair and a calm collective PEACEFUL face) Yo, old man, i'm son goku!

Goku: ... 00 AHHHHHHHH THE WORLD IS ENDING!

Mysterious Bald priest: Hello, monkey. I am genjo Sanzo. Pleased to meet you. I do not like alchohol, or gambling. I hate rude talking and i am proujd of my shaven Bald head. I especially despise guns and I feel that if anyone is based on a person like me, they would NEVER have blond hair with a Large gun, and a smoking addiction, with a bad mouth, an gamble for fun. I would also never threaten to kill let alone kill. I would feel like a disgrace if such a person was basd on me .(smile)

Sanzo:...

Gojyo Hakkai Goku: O.O ...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SANZO? A PIECE LOVING OLD FART! OMFG, THATS A GOOD ONE!

Sazo: (beats the shit out off them)

Gojyo: HMPH! well at least I bet that my characters kool like me!

All of a sudden, a huge bearded old man walked toward the mysterious monk and the monkey man in the movie.

Bearded man: Hi. I do not like to talk much. I am calm, collective, and hate rude mannered people who look at women.

Gojyo: (thinking) This has Got to be the guy Hakkai was based on! (snicker)

Bearded man: My name is Sha Gojyo.

Gojyo: (mouth dropps down onto the floor so that all the cockaroaches crawl into it. ) ARGH! GET IT OFF ME! I HATE BUGS! MOMMY!

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Himistu: BWAHAHAHAHAHA three of the characters have been revealed, ONLY HAKKAI IS LEFT! WHAT WILL HIS REACTION BE, PLUS, WE HAVE A NICE FINISHING BONUS FROM TWO PEOPLE WE HAVE PREVIOUSY MET. CAN U GUESS WHO. EVERYTHING IS REVEALED ON THE FINAL FIFTH CHAPTER BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sanzo: Someone shut the old lady up.


	5. The end and the two mysterious figures

NO! I'm the real one!

Fianl Chapter Da da da dummmm

Disclaimer:

Himitsu: Grrrrrrrr five times in a row! A FRIKIN FIVE! Y MUST LIFE TORTURE ME SO? I DON'T OWN SAIYUKI!LEAVE ME ALONE! (sob sob)

Goku: Have you ever thought of visitiong an asylum?

Himitsu: I did, they kicked me out

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The movie continues...

Goku, Sanzo, and Gojyo are all huddled into the corner with purple gloom clouds hanging all over them. Sigh, life kicks ass...

Himitsu: (appears in a poof of smoke) Bwahahahahahaha! I have decided to join you in the final chapter of this story written AND editted by yours truly!

Gojyo: Damn! why doesn't that old hag ever leave us alone!

Himitsu: Old...Hag...? I am ...old? SANZO!

Sanzo: What da hell do u want?

Himitsu: (takes out a dvd set with a cover so horribly gruesome, it is forrbidden to be shown in public or even privately) BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Four sets of the most horribly gruesome videos ever created! Stored in the underworld for all eternity! Rated for voilence, horror scenes, nasty language, and evil bunniew taking over the world!

Gojyo and goku: (shudders, crossing themselves) kuwabara kuwabara kuwabara kuwabara...(note: chanting kuwanbara is actually a spell against evil)

Sanzo:(gleam in eyes) i suppopse there is a price?

Himitsu: u bet! just beat the crap out of gojyo

Gojyo: Hey! Wait! look, i was kidding!

Sanzo: (smirk) two birds with one stone (takes out paper fan and smacks it into his other hand and starts advancing towards Gojyo)

Gojyo: ...mommy!

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Hakkai: excuse me but shouldn';t we get back to the movie? and i seem to have noticed tha i haven't talked once in this wholoe chapter.

Narrator: yea yea, and now the movie continues...

The four gangs are now watching the movie with Sanzo grinning maniacly holding his dvds close, Goku dying from starvati0on, and Gojyo, suffering from...painful paper cuts.

Suddenly we see a pig man walking up to the other three characters in the movie

Pigman: Yo! sup!

Da real Son Goku: Yo...why r u a pig?

Pigman...well, ya see...i got in trouble in heaven for being horny...so this is my punishment...i am Cho Hakkai

Hakkai: ...me? horny?...(faints with hand on his head like with the ladies)

all through his uncounciousness, Hakkai was muttering, "i'm sorry! OW, mom, dont hurt me. It wasn't my fault for getting hormones!

The movie has ended and the gang was walking out

Himitsu: Actually they were more like sobbing out...

ALL OF A SUDDEN! WE SEE TWO FAMILIAR FIGURES! ITS ITS ITS!

Gojyo: OMFG! I RECOGNIZE YOU! YOU'RE YOU'RE YOU'RE- ...who are you again?

There are two teenager boys walking towards them.

First one: OFFICER ARREST THESE MEN!

Officer: Huh? why

Second one: These people kicked MY DOG!

Officer: Your dog?

Gojyo: HEY! I REMMEBER YOU!

**FLASHBACK**

First one: HEy cutie, wanna come home with me tonite?

Second One: We'll have you up allllllll nite

Mysterious tutu person: (elbowed the first boy and kicked the second in his...(ahem) reproduction spot)

(high piched voice) I HOPE I JUST KNOCKED U FROM THE GENE POOL!

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Gojyo: uh oh...

Second boy: Now i can't be a grandfather and - (starts crying) I CAN'T MOLOEST THEIR CHILDREN!

Himitsu: Ok thats just nasty...

Gojyo: HUH! its the hag! when did u pop up?

Himitsu: (anime vein) twitch twitch. i originally came to save you but...(evil grin) what the heck (snaps fingers and Gojyo's tutu is back but this time with lacey underwear.)

(stuffs him in a cage and hands it the second boy.) HAVE FUN

THE END!

Gojyo; HELP!

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Himitsu: Please also read my other story that is Yu Yu Hakusho called Battle Royale Himitsu Style

It is most entertaining. I hope you have enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed typing it (which isnt much...) Thank you again (bows) We are very agrieved to have you go, rite guys?

Ssanzo: Go to hell


End file.
